Over 20 Years of Friendship

Mark first walked into my classroom on the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB) campus in the 1986-87 school year. [Former inmates are very particular about the at in UAB's name. Until 1984, the school was known by the name University of Alabama in Birmingham. Some students and some faculty immediately see the significance of at versus in and matriculate without distinction or incident. The rest of us found it beneficial to leave UAB rather urgently for our sanity and survival.]

When I first started teaching, I was shocked that some students actually attend class every day. The thought had never occurred to me. In Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance Pirsig said it well, "... the students I like the most, the ones I really feel a sense of identity with, are all failing!" Mark was that (apparently) rare student that felt no particular obligation to attend every class. When Mark did choose to attend, he would arrive late - typically wearing a long, black coat that obscured his suburban roots.

For those of you that are not familiar with Pirsig's rambling book, the author postulates:

"Schools teach you to imitate. If you don't imitate what the teacher wants you get a bad grade. Here, in college, it was more sophisticated, of course; you were supposed to imitate the teacher in such a way as to convince the teacher you were not imitating, but taking the essence of the instruction and going ahead with it on your own. That got you A's. Originality on the other hand could get you anything... from A to F. The whole grading system cautioned against it."

It took me a while to decide whether Mark was imitating my own disdain for the program at UAB - which by Pirsig's reasoning would ensure him an "A". Or if Mark was truly original, which would allow me to assign any grade I wanted.

To better understand Mark, I clearly needed to observe him outside of the classroom. Mark's natural curiosity and multitasking skills, were immediately apparent on his first visit to my apartment. Mark moved quickly through the apartment simultaneously disassembling anything even remotely electronic, flipping through my alternative CD collection (which I recall differed significantly from his Billy Joel and Journey CDs) and jumping between half a dozen or so seemingly random threads of conversation. It was difficult to believe that Mark had spent his whole life in Huntsville, Alabama. While I would not have expected Mark to land in Paris, it was clear he would quickly outgrow Alabama.

Mark did fine in my class. But it was clear ... UAB was no place for Mark.

When Mark left UAB for Auburn, I was exceptionally glad that we stayed in touch. Unlike Mark, I spent most of my life hopping from one city to the next. At the age of thirty, I had moved everything I owned at least thirty times. I did not have any lifelong friends. Mark changed me. I have known Mark for over twenty years now. He has taught me the value of longlasting friendships. I have known Mark through some of the toughest times in his life. He has known me through some of the toughest times in my life. Mark has helped me find my way through those tough times. He has never let me lie to myself.

After Birmingham, we each spent time in the Washington-Baltimore area. But, physical proximity has never really been an obstacle with Mark. He is one of those people - honest and transparent - that you come to know quickly. Even after a period apart, it is easy to catch up. Mark wastes no time diving into fine details or getting to the heart of a matter. His tenacious spirit has never abated. Mark is still curious and eager to explore. You still cannot leave him in a room alone with anything electronic.

I have particularly enjoyed watching Mark grow - first as a student and an engineer, but even more as a husband and a father. I watched Mark fall completely for Adeline - which brought an odd period of "adventures" to a swift end. Mark's life suddenly had more purpose and a real focus.

Many of us know the difficulty of overcoming the male-versus-female language divide. We can only imagine the challenges Adeline has faced - translating between English and French, contending with Mark's sometimes restless spirit, ... I can assure Adeline that patience with Mark always pays off. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk from time to time. [Traits we share.] But, Mark is an eager student and friend - always determined to do better, always wanting to learn from his mistakes.

I am proud to be Lena's godfather. She is the product of two exceptional souls. Mark and Adeline's greatest challenges will come as they raise this special girl. Lena will cause Mom and Dad to discuss everything that they forgot to discuss before. She will cause Mark and Adeline to rethink who they are, how they see each other, and what it means to raise a child. Lena will teach them both more than any other teacher or friend could hope to convey.

Adeline and Lena: Be kind to Dad. He is getting old and you must take very good care of him. Make sure he finds time to eat, drink, sing and dance. But when you come home, have is slippers ready. He will need a little more sleep the next day.

Mark, Adeline and Lena: I wish for you all the very best. Savor each others good company! You are our family. Andrea and I will always have a place for you in our home and in our hearts. Visit often.

Yours,
Wes